Pinoy Alternate History

Last Wednesday, Independence Day, I joined RocketKapre.com’s Twitter discussion/trend/story telling about the alternate Filipino history. By means of the hashtag #RP612fic, Twitter users shared their tweet-length stories about our country’s alternative history and realist micro fiction.

The discussion started on the eve of the independence day and I can’t help but laugh my ass off over the creative, insane, and funny tweets about our country’s alternate history. And being one of my favorite topic is history, I decided to joined the discussion and created my own stories.

I decided to collate and post my #RP612fic tweets here in my blog because eventually, these stories will be covered with other stories, opinion, and whatnots on my timeline. Ladies and gentlemen, I am presenting you the product of my love for history, pop culture, conspiracy theory, and TV shows.

• ‘Ibong Adarna’ was replaced by ‘Amaya’ as a required reading in Middle School Filipino subject by DepEd Secretary Marian Rivera
• Tiyang Amy, in Face to Face’s 25th anniversary, proved that J.Rizal was the real father of A.Hitler. And Luke and Leia Skywalker.
• Bimby Aquino-Yap became the Supreme Chancellor of Ladlad Party List, His Ninong, veteran TV host Boy Abunda was very proud of him.
• During WW2, Jose Rizal went to Germany and told Hitler: “Adolf, this is how I met your Mother”. That led to the Fuhrer’s suicide.
• Tyrion Lannister helped the KKK to defeat the Spaniards with wildfire. Unfortunately, Aguinaldo ordered his men to kill him.
• Jon Snow is the real hero of Tirad Pass. Unfortunately, he fell in love with an Igorot who later betrayed him and had him killed.
• Unknown to many, Ferdinand Marcos sung ‘Careless Whisper’ in his sex tape with Dovie Beams, not ‘Pamulinawen.’
• After the successful murder of Kingpin Asiong Salonga, the Soviet Union and the CIA recruited Erning Toothpick to kill JFK.
• There is a hidden passage in Malacanang Palace that leads to Divisoria (just like the hidden Hogwarts-Hogsmeade passage).
• Andres Bonifacio did not die. Since all of the members of KKK are infected, he became a walker and ate Aguinaldo’s guts and brain.
• Since he cannot afford the MacBook Pro with Retina Display, Juan Luna resorted to canvas and blood to paint the Spoliarium.
• Asiong Salonga was imprisoned for violating the Anti-Epal Law. Lawmakers did not want his picture plastered all over Tondo.
• Antonio Luna and Andres Bonifacio are laughing their asses off over the failed assassination attempt by Emilio Aguinaldo.
• Last known tweet of Andres Bonifacio: “Having a good time with my brother, Procopio here at Maragondon. Aguinaldo’s men are Lulz!”
• ‘The Rains of Castamere’ was played during the declaration of Philippine independence due to the persuasion of the Lannisters.
• The lead role for the movie ‘Casanova’ was originally given to Gregorio del Pilar. He turned it down and gave it to Heath Ledger.
• Gregorio del Pilar failed to send the tweet of a distress call for reinforcement. Globe’s 4G signal was very poor at Tirad Pass.

I could have added other insane stories on my tweets but I didn’t want to flood my followers’ Twitter timeline. And I am planning to use them in my ambitious, long-overdue, personal project. (It has something to do with political satire/parody and books. There, I said it.)

It is said that there are no ifs in history. We cannot dwell on the past and try to change it. But we can always learn from its lessons. As what George Santayana said: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”

But we can always use our imagination and think of a good and creative historical fiction. And have a good laugh.

Padayon!